A inmate, doing time in South Carolina filed suit in Indiana this week, alleging a vast conspiracy involving Barry Bonds, Bug Selig, Hank Aaron's corked bat, Sammy Sosa, steroids and HGH, Steak and Shake on I-70, the Liberty Bell, and....
Uncovered at The Smoking Gun, the official complaint makes for hilarious reading.
Meet Jonathan Lee Riches. The federal prisoner/habitual litigant recently scored headlines with his insane $63 billion lawsuit against Michael Vick (who allegedly stole Riches's dogs, sold them on eBay, and used the proceeds to buy weapons from the Iranian government). Riches, who is doing a decade in prison for fraud, is at it again, this time filing a loony--though quite funny--complaint again Barry Bonds, baseball commissioner Bud Selig, and Hank Aaron's bat.
We will summarize the complaint here; dude is asking for th e paltry sum of 42,000,000:
Citing "Barry Bonds, Allan H. 'Bud' Selig, and Hank Aaron's Bat" as defendants, the alleged crimes include: bat assault, HGH violations, treason, major fraud, skimming the books, illegal moonshine, terrorism, social security fraud treason, stalking, identity theft, electronic wiretapping, and bad debt. The defendant says his Constitutional rights were violated specifying 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 8th, 13th, and 14th amendments.
- Barry Bonds and Bud Selig formed a secret conspiracy to boost television ratings as Selig supplied
Bonds with steroids under the supervision of Sammy Sosa. Mr. Selig on at least 2 occasions at the I-70 Steak and Shake (Booth 11) for the exchange of needles, cream, and HGH. (Robert Novak and Judith Miller are in possession of transcripts of the meeting)
- Bonds used Hank Aaron's corked bat, complete with secret chambers full of HGH which Bonds takes while waiting in the batters box (sic). The plaintiff has recorded Bonds' threats on his I-Phone.
- Bonds conspired to rat out the plaintiff when he became aware of plaintiff's threat to expose his and Selig's cocaine and steroids abuse
- Om June 22, 2004, Bond benched pressed the plaintiff (against his will); apparently on the same day Bonds was observed selling steroids to nuns
- Furthermore said corked bat was used to crack the Liberty Bell. This led to a 'steroid house' in
South Bend IN, which involves identity theft and bogus loans at
Lendingtree.com. - Bonds is involved in a Columbian conspiracy to import fine HGH
- Once again, said Aaron corked bat was illegitimately stolen from the plaintiff's residence (see attached exhibit)
- Bonds has conspired to fix San Francisco Giant games, as well as LA Dodger World Series games. Bonds' debt may include monies owned to 'the Gambinos' (? Jason Giambi)
- Bonds supplied mustard gas to the late Saddam Hussein
- Bonds stole the plaintiff's copywrite
Thus revealed, in a drab prison library in South Carolina, are the documents that show Bonds is a cheat and a miscreant. Let justice prevail.
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