Those pragmatic, optimistic, existential merrymakers down in San Diego have done it again. This time the gang of frolicking Charger linebackers gulped down some ephedra, leading to a good time for all. Except, starting inside linebacker Stephen Cooper overdid the good times, getting caught in a urine test.
Cooper will serve a 4 game suspension to begin the 2008 NFL season; gee whiz, if he were in MLB he would be granted clemency. If he were Shawne Merriman, he would be sentenced to judging a Miss USA pageant. Which is worse? To the San Diego Tribune:
The NFL has confirmed that Chargers starting inside linebacker Stephen Cooper will miss the first four games of the season after testing positive for a banned stimulant. Neither Cooper nor his agent was immediately available for comment, but sources said Cooper tested positive for ephedra.
Ephedra? The substance Cory Stringer consumed prior to his death. Not generally a good idea. Not a good trade-off for a 4 game suspension. Maybe better the the 'roids Coop had at Univ of Maine, though. Cooper says:
“I regret that I mistakenly took a stimulant that I did not realize at the time was banned by the NFL,” he said. “I support the NFL's anti-doping policies, and understand that I must serve a suspension even though the stimulant that I took was not used before any game and was not used to enhance my performance. I apologize to the NFL, my team, my coaches, and to my fans, and I look forward to continuing to help the Chargers toward our goal of winning the Super Bowl in the upcoming season.”
Coop loves his PEDs. At the University of Maine he collected about 1000 hits an an anabolic steroid, although he never tested positive. D-2 football rules, man.
Cooper joins mates Shawne Merriman and lineman Luis Castillo on the All-Time-Juiced Chargers Hall of Shame. Merriman tested for the juice in 2006, and Castillo peed 'roids in college at Northwestern.
If Merriman got to judge "Miss USA", Cooper should at least judge "Miss Plus" or something.